Leaky face.

Today I have been tired and grumpy again. Work got on my nerves, and I felt like crying a couple of times (which I would HATE to do, I rarely cry in public). I was so glad when it was hometime.

My hospital buddy texted me earlier to tell me she was off to the hospital cos she has some swelling in her neck. She's really worried about it. I must get in touch with her again tomorrow to see how she got on. F***in disease.

I've been round to my best mates house for tea tonight. Did I tell her how down I am feeling? Did I chuff, I put my shiny happy smiley face on and pretended everything was ok. Why do I do that? She's been my mate for 28 years so why do I feel like I have to protect her from the dark side of all this. I did tell her about the lady who has died, and she had a horrible look of fear in her eyes as I told her. I hate the affect all this shite has on my friends and family as well.

Oh, I'm really sick of myself now. My face has started leaking again.

Have you seen my get up and go?

I feel a bit odd today...I can't quite put my finger on it but I've lost a bit of my oomph. It's half past 3 and I have done NOTHING yet today. I keep thinking about all the things I could do with sorting out before I go back to work, and then I just sit here and don't do any of them... I did a bit of retail therapy yesterday, and the clothes are still in the carrier bags where I left them when I came in yesterday. Has anyone seen my get up and go? Please can you send it to me if you find it cos I need it.

Please can I have my energy back?

I've been kind of festering for a few days. I've had no energy for anything, and haven't been able to get out of bed in a morning, haven't bothered getting dressed til teatime etc. I've been doing my own head in! They did say I might suffer with tiredness a couple of weeks after rads finished but I've been completely wiped out.

Sleepy

I've been attacked by some mega sleeping syndrome the last couple of days. I think I might have overdone it at the weekend so have been catching up ever since (My steroids got me through and beyond the party!). I've only been up a few hours and I could go back to bed already.

I'm going to throw my coat on and have a wander up to the corner shop instead, just so I can get out of the house for a few minutes. I think a tacky magazine and some chocolate is in order (sorry dieters!).

Grumpy Zombie

I am like a zombie today. The steroids still kept me awake long into the morning. I think I finally went to sleep at about 4:30am. I'd still be in bed now but the phone rang an hour ago and woke me from my coma like state.

I'm supposed to be at a house warming party this afternoon. It starts in quarter of an hour but as I am still in my pjs. I think I will have to be fashionably late. I'm struggling to muster up the energy for it if I'm honest, but I've just taken the next lot of steroids so maybe I'll perk up soon. I hope I do, I will be seeing quite a few people I haven't seen for a while and I don't want to look like poorly cancer girl if I'm honest. It's easier if I look "well" and they don't have to do the sympathy routine. I'd rather just fade into the backgrond today and not have to bang on about it all day. Grumpy Jo seems to be coming out to play again. Uh oh...

Just think, this time next month my chemo will be over. Wahoo!!!

Zzzzzzzz...

I am really tired today, but I've forced myself to get out of bed cos I'm sick of getting up at lunchtime these days.