Saying goodbye

I chose, for many reasons, not to attend the funeral of my friend today.

However, at 3pm - the time of her funeral - I took myself off to the quietest spot I could find (I work in a city centre) and released a balloon with a note for her tied to it. I cried for her, and the fact that I am angry that cancer has taken her away so young.

Later, there was a shower - really heavy rain, followed by a rainbow. I'll always think of her when I see a rainbow now.

Love ya Dee xxx

Strange coincidence, or something more?

I rarely wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes it takes me a while to get off to sleep but once I do I'm out for the count. Early on Monday morning I woke up (at about 2:35am). I woke myself up coughing. I was really struggling to catch my breath. So much so I ended up getting up, and had to go downstairs to get myself a drink. This went on for about half an hour... then stopped not long after 3am. Now, I don't believe in god or anything, but I can't help but think it wasn't just a co-incidence that I was up and about that night, at that time. When I got the awful news about my friend and was told she died at 3am I was just stunned. Now I feel more comforted to know I was awake at that time and she wasn't alone in the night...

I can't believe I am even typing this, it just isn't me this sort of thing. It feels really weird...

Breast cancer is a cruel disease

I lost a very good friend of mine today, a girl I never met in person but who I have shared my cancer journey with right from the very start. We went through operations and treatment "together" but sadly her journey took a very different path to mine. She was only 32.

I am really going to miss her. I can't think of any more words to say today.

Sleep well my lovely friend xx

More needles.

I had a hospital appointment this morning for my zoledronic acid. I get to see the Onc each time I go, and he actually had a prod round my bits today (first time since op last year). He said everything felt ok which is good. He made me laugh, cos he said "Right, I need to examine you this time so get your kit off" He is very abrupt! I know a lot of people don't like him but he amuses me. I'd put a bit more weight on this time as well, and he said "Get over it, it's only a pound!", then I asked him if there was anything I could do to help get rid of fluid retention/swollen ankles/swollen feet and he said "excercise more and lose some weight". I can't win...

I then spent AGES waiting on the chemo suite for the pharmacy to send my stuff up. While I was waiting, I saw one of the ladies who was in the fashion show with me in May. She had some really sad news, another lady who was in the show died last week. She was only 43. I just burst into tears. Another lovely person lost to this bloody disease.

Chemo nurse got straight into a vein today - but I now have a bruise, and another one from my blood tests yesterday. I look like a junkie.

Sad day

A sad day today. My mum phoned me earlier to tell me my Aunt died this morning. I'm afraid it is another death due to f&*!in cancer (not breast). I'm so sad, and also so angry that this horrible disease has yet again affected my family. She's been having treatment on and off for about 4 years, and she was one of the first people to phone me when I was diagnosed and she was so supportive. We've had many a "laugh" about the "joys" of chemo...

It's a cruel world.