Reading between the lines

Not posted anything on here for a while, which is good cos that means I have been far away fom cancer land. Had a brief return there this week though when I finally received my letter confirming the results of my mammogram and ultrasound. It says:

I am very pleased to see that your repeat mammogram and ultrasound scan of the left breast on 5.7.07 has shown no cause for concern.

You should continue to receive appointments for a mammogram each May until 2022, all being well, on our surveillance programme.

Now, call me picky but was it really necessary to put those 3 words "all being well" in there?? I fully intend on still being here in 2022, but I don't need reminding that my future is uncertain...

Little known side effect of breast cancer, the ability to read between the lines!

I've been to the hospital today...

...… and to save you skim reading to find the important bits - EVERYTHING IS OK.

However it was a really horrible stressful morning. Look up these words in a dictionary:

Fear
Upset
Relief

and you will see my face next to them. Talk about rollercoasters…

Anyhow, the reason I had been recalled from my last mammogram was cos there was an "area of concern" on the one I had a few weeks ago. There was as well, even I could see it! Cue fear setting in… They wanted to do another one to see if it was just a bit of overlapping tissue. Got squished again, then she started drawing lines on me (now I feel really sick) and goes off to have a look at the films. Then she says I have to go for an ultrasound, and as she takes me there she puts her hand on my shoulder and says "good luck". WTF!?!? Why do I need good luck???

So onto the ultrasound, he took AGES doing it and kept going back to the same bit. I'm starting to get into a bit of a state now, thinking the worst. He asks me if I have felt any lumps or anything, I haven't and I'm thinking WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME??? Argh. The he starts being all nice to me, trying to make me laugh and my paranoia is saying he's softening the blow, he's gonna hit me with it in a minute. I am now smearing the goo he put on me to do the ultrasound all over the place - up my arm, even onto my face. I can't even wipe stuff off me properly by this point!! (honestly, if it wasn't so traumatic it would be funny!). He then tells me to take a seat, I think I have stopped breathing by this point and he says "Everything is ok…" and I don't hear any other words cos I just burst into tears! I'm now covered in goo, crying (and probably got snot bubbles coming out of my nose!). I'm apologising, and he says "don't worry, it's nice" ?! (he was a bit of alright actually, not your typical doctor type, a bit rough and ready with a scouse accent - every cloud…). Finally I composed myself and he actually explained it all to me - that basically these things happen, blah blah blah and he can't assure me it won't happen again next time. I then get into narky mode, and ask why they couldn't have done all this 3 weeks ago, why did I have to get the scary letters, sleepless nights etc. He then explains all their daft systems to me, I start to lose interest and just want to get out of there FAST.

So, that's another trauma out of the way. I have spent most of the rest of the day with a drink in my hand. I think I deserved a couple!!