Not as easy to recall dates now... Chemo brain had well and truly taken over by now.
However, I do know that the last session of chemo was on Feb 3rd 2006. I can't tell you how good it feels when that last cannula is taken out of your hand!!
A whole week "off" then I had 3 weeks of radiotherapy. A bit like groundhog day, doing the same journey at the same time every day, seeing the same people...
Surprisingly, my skin held up quite well and didn't really show signs of burning until the last few days. I finished on 3rd March.
So, that's the poisoning and nuking done. Just 5 years of tablets and a drug trial to do now...
Oh, and my hair is regrowing :)
Edit I discovered an old diary after I typed this, so have updated my blog with all the ramblings from there. So this might now seem a bit out of order...
Friday 31 March 2006
Sunday 26 March 2006
Feeling better...
I'm feeling a bit better...
Some of my friends came out of the woodwork today - I almost started to think they had been reading this! One phoned me, and 2 others texted me and I've been round to another's house for a bottle of wine and a curry. I know they'd say I should just ask for help, but I find it hard. I'm fiercely independent, so it doesn't come naturally to me to admit I need help. I just expect them to know. Silly really. Plus I do get envious when they are all doing the stuff "normal" people in their 30's do, while I feel like it's all passing me by. I'll stop this now - I'm starting to get miserable again...
Some of my friends came out of the woodwork today - I almost started to think they had been reading this! One phoned me, and 2 others texted me and I've been round to another's house for a bottle of wine and a curry. I know they'd say I should just ask for help, but I find it hard. I'm fiercely independent, so it doesn't come naturally to me to admit I need help. I just expect them to know. Silly really. Plus I do get envious when they are all doing the stuff "normal" people in their 30's do, while I feel like it's all passing me by. I'll stop this now - I'm starting to get miserable again...
Friday 24 March 2006
Not good.
***Warning*** Self pitying rant coming up.
I’m really pissed off and fed up. I’m sick of feeling like crap and tired all the time. Loads of people keep telling me I should be feeling great now my treatment is over and how I can now get back to normal, back to work etc. I know they mean well, but I just want to slap them round the face and say “try spending 24 hours in my mutilated, poisoned and burnt body and then say things are normal”.
I feel a little let down by my friends at the moment. They were great while I was at the hospital every 2 minutes, checking I was ok etc but they haven’t been around so much the last couple of weeks (except one friend who has suddenly re-appeared the last couple of weeks. Very odd). It’s me being sensitive I know, but you know what it is like when you feel shit.
My hormones are all over the place too. I had no periods while on chemo, now they are back with a vengeance. I’ve started today, only 11 days since the last one so have stomach cramp on top of everything else.
Tonight was another rehearsal for the fashion show. I was ok when I was there, but on the way home I just started to feel so sad that so many people are affected by this crappy disease. It also made me feel very young (there are only a couple of others there who are around my age).
I’m having one of those “why me?” days. Sorry about this outburst, but I needed to have a cyber rant. I’ve had a good cry too, the first one for ages so hopefully I’ll bounce back again soon now I've let it all out.
I’m really pissed off and fed up. I’m sick of feeling like crap and tired all the time. Loads of people keep telling me I should be feeling great now my treatment is over and how I can now get back to normal, back to work etc. I know they mean well, but I just want to slap them round the face and say “try spending 24 hours in my mutilated, poisoned and burnt body and then say things are normal”.
I feel a little let down by my friends at the moment. They were great while I was at the hospital every 2 minutes, checking I was ok etc but they haven’t been around so much the last couple of weeks (except one friend who has suddenly re-appeared the last couple of weeks. Very odd). It’s me being sensitive I know, but you know what it is like when you feel shit.
My hormones are all over the place too. I had no periods while on chemo, now they are back with a vengeance. I’ve started today, only 11 days since the last one so have stomach cramp on top of everything else.
Tonight was another rehearsal for the fashion show. I was ok when I was there, but on the way home I just started to feel so sad that so many people are affected by this crappy disease. It also made me feel very young (there are only a couple of others there who are around my age).
I’m having one of those “why me?” days. Sorry about this outburst, but I needed to have a cyber rant. I’ve had a good cry too, the first one for ages so hopefully I’ll bounce back again soon now I've let it all out.
Tuesday 21 March 2006
Please can I have my energy back?
I've been kind of festering for a few days. I've had no energy for anything, and haven't been able to get out of bed in a morning, haven't bothered getting dressed til teatime etc. I've been doing my own head in! They did say I might suffer with tiredness a couple of weeks after rads finished but I've been completely wiped out.
Saturday 11 March 2006
The morning after..
I'm still on a high from last night...it was so good to go out.
The best thing was I went out with nothing on my head, and although a few people did do double takes when they looked at me I didn't feel too self conscious. I quite like having short hair, but could do with just a bit more before I'm happy with it....
The best thing was I went out with nothing on my head, and although a few people did do double takes when they looked at me I didn't feel too self conscious. I quite like having short hair, but could do with just a bit more before I'm happy with it....
Friday 10 March 2006
Off out on the lash!
Today is a big day!! I am going out on the lash tonight. First "proper" night out.
I've done very little so far today. My breast care nurse has been round to check I'm not too frazzled from the rads and to say bye bye for now cos unless I ask to see her she won't come to see me.
Now the fun starts! I've got that Friday feeling....
I've done very little so far today. My breast care nurse has been round to check I'm not too frazzled from the rads and to say bye bye for now cos unless I ask to see her she won't come to see me.
Now the fun starts! I've got that Friday feeling....
Friday 3 March 2006
Another bit over with!
Today is the day I finished all the agressive treatments!! So I feel good about that.Time to move onto another phase of my life now. Starting tonight with my first rehearsal for the fashion show I'm taking part in in May. That's if it stops snowing and I can get there....
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