I've had a funny couple of months, a time where I have begun to wonder if I am now a different person to the one I was before cancer.
The thing is, before cancer I was quite a happy-go-lucky type of girl. I was having fun, and enjoying a pretty carefree life. I worked hard, and then played hard too. Life was good.
Then along came the cancer diagnosis, the treatment, hospitals etc and I was forced to take a huge step away from my normal life. No work, and very little play. In the meantime the world kept spinning, but maybe I got left behind a bit? Friends moved on, had families, got divorced, started families etc. I was just the poor sod who had cancer, who was being so "brave"...
So - treatment ends and I try to go back to normal. I found this very difficult after a year out! This took me by surprise to be honest. Surely I should have been feeling great?? Seems that isn't quite how it works! But, another year on I am still wondering what the hell has happened to the old me. I think I have lost her forever, and I am probably still in mourning over that. The new me is much more emotional, and I "overreact" (not my words) now. Hmm. I think the truth is I just react now. I was so content before cancer, things didn't phase me, I brushed them off. I can't do that now. The world seems to be a very different place to me now.
Like I say, a funny few months where I seem to be moving further away from some friends who can't "get" the new me. I can't blame them I suppose, I don't get me either sometimes.
