I haven't felt the need to post here for a long time. I suppose I have been enjoying life away from cancerland. Unfortunately I find myself there again... No - it's not a dreaded recurrance or anything. It's just taking up too much of my headspace just now. I need to offload so here I am, offloading.
First up, I am forced to think about cancer again as I am back at the hospital this week. Tomorrow I will be prodded and poked. I hate being prodded and poked. How undignified it is to have to show a complete stranger your mutilated body. Sounds dramatic?? Well, sadly it's the truth. My body is mutilated. I have one boob, and a very unsightly scar at the other side. Not nice. But the doctors need to check me, so I must lose all pride and show all again tomorrow.
Then I have the fun of sitting there while some poor sod tries to find a vein to put the drugs into. This gets harder each time, and I seem to be dreading it more and more as time goes by. That's not right is it? Surely I should be getting used to it by now! Hey ho.
As for emotions. All over the place at the mo. I have friends in dire situations and other friends who don't get how that affects me. It's difficult for everyone I suppose, but hard as I try to move away from cancerland it's always there in the back of my mind. I don't have the luxury of being able to pretend it wasn't part of my life. It IS part of my life, even a few years on.
So, that's me at the moment. All a bit mixed up really. Hopefully now I have put it in words I can move on again.
