Not good.

***Warning*** Self pitying rant coming up.

I’m really pissed off and fed up. I’m sick of feeling like crap and tired all the time. Loads of people keep telling me I should be feeling great now my treatment is over and how I can now get back to normal, back to work etc. I know they mean well, but I just want to slap them round the face and say “try spending 24 hours in my mutilated, poisoned and burnt body and then say things are normal”.

I feel a little let down by my friends at the moment. They were great while I was at the hospital every 2 minutes, checking I was ok etc but they haven’t been around so much the last couple of weeks (except one friend who has suddenly re-appeared the last couple of weeks. Very odd). It’s me being sensitive I know, but you know what it is like when you feel shit.

My hormones are all over the place too. I had no periods while on chemo, now they are back with a vengeance. I’ve started today, only 11 days since the last one so have stomach cramp on top of everything else.

Tonight was another rehearsal for the fashion show. I was ok when I was there, but on the way home I just started to feel so sad that so many people are affected by this crappy disease. It also made me feel very young (there are only a couple of others there who are around my age).

I’m having one of those “why me?” days. Sorry about this outburst, but I needed to have a cyber rant. I’ve had a good cry too, the first one for ages so hopefully I’ll bounce back again soon now I've let it all out.