Holidays and anniversaries

Today it is one year since I started chemo. So, to mark the occasion I am off on holiday, to a cottage for a well earned rest.

Leaky face.

Today I have been tired and grumpy again. Work got on my nerves, and I felt like crying a couple of times (which I would HATE to do, I rarely cry in public). I was so glad when it was hometime.

My hospital buddy texted me earlier to tell me she was off to the hospital cos she has some swelling in her neck. She's really worried about it. I must get in touch with her again tomorrow to see how she got on. F***in disease.

I've been round to my best mates house for tea tonight. Did I tell her how down I am feeling? Did I chuff, I put my shiny happy smiley face on and pretended everything was ok. Why do I do that? She's been my mate for 28 years so why do I feel like I have to protect her from the dark side of all this. I did tell her about the lady who has died, and she had a horrible look of fear in her eyes as I told her. I hate the affect all this shite has on my friends and family as well.

Oh, I'm really sick of myself now. My face has started leaking again.

More needles.

I had a hospital appointment this morning for my zoledronic acid. I get to see the Onc each time I go, and he actually had a prod round my bits today (first time since op last year). He said everything felt ok which is good. He made me laugh, cos he said "Right, I need to examine you this time so get your kit off" He is very abrupt! I know a lot of people don't like him but he amuses me. I'd put a bit more weight on this time as well, and he said "Get over it, it's only a pound!", then I asked him if there was anything I could do to help get rid of fluid retention/swollen ankles/swollen feet and he said "excercise more and lose some weight". I can't win...

I then spent AGES waiting on the chemo suite for the pharmacy to send my stuff up. While I was waiting, I saw one of the ladies who was in the fashion show with me in May. She had some really sad news, another lady who was in the show died last week. She was only 43. I just burst into tears. Another lovely person lost to this bloody disease.

Chemo nurse got straight into a vein today - but I now have a bruise, and another one from my blood tests yesterday. I look like a junkie.

Back to the hospital again...

I had to go to the hospital for a blood test this morning (I'm due another infusion of zoledronic acid tomorrow). It took me 20 minutes to find a parking space, and then when I did finally find one the heavens opened and I got soaked. To top it all off, the car parking machine pinched a pound off me.

When I finally got into the hospital (looking like a drowned rat), the waiting room for blood tests was packed. You have to take a ticket (like at the meat counter in a supermarket). I got number 65, and they were only on number 33. I decided to go for a little walk round the hospital to pass a bit of time (and to get away from some of the whiffy people in the waiting room - yuk!). Managed to kill about 15 minutes, and when I got back they were only on number 38 *sigh*. There was only one vampire on duty. So, I was there for almost 2 hours.

Then I drove into town and got soaked again walking into work.