Never got round to the painting, but it was quite an emotional one today and I feel quite drained and have a banging head now. We talked about allsorts really, cos I have been feeling quite down again over the last week, mostly down to things going on around me (e.g. met up with a friend last week - her son died in January!, plus my mum's friend was at hospital yesterday having a lump checked out, add that a few other friend's having various problems blah blah blah). All this adds up and makes me feel a bit worn out, with - as usual - no time for myself and how I feel. Don't get me wrong, it's not I that I don't want to hear about anyone elses problems, it's just there are a lot around at the moment and as I'm good at listening to others guess where they call...
Tried to discuss how I feel, and where I fit in with it all. Bit hard that, cos as ever I don't think about myself and my needs. As long as I make sure everyone else is ok... Also discussed how I am a bit of a pressure cooker (her words - but I'm pinching them!) and I'm full and need a massive blowout cos every little (and in my opinion petty!) thing just gets on my nerves and drains me even more, and adds to the pot (but don't get me wrong, I don't dwell on the petty stuff - can't be arsed!). Also discussed that I feel useless (my words this time - she wasn't too keen!) when I feel like I can't/won't cope, or I'm not functioning like I used to - cos I don't do not coping, or emotion, or any of this really. I just want to be shiny, happy old me but as that isn't possible I need to figure out what tarnished, slightly damaged and a bit emotional old me is... Shame I never had a massive desire to do something that I could aim for, but I've always been one of those people who doesn't make plans, things just happen.
So, not surprisingly I'm off up there again this week. Not too sure how I feel about that really cos I feel worse today for going, but I think that's how it's supposed to work...
I went swimming again earlier and did 26 lengths though, which is good.
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