I'm bored of all this now...

The last few days haven't been that thrilling. I've been trekking to and from the hospital for radiotherapy, and this week there have been quite a few delays so I've not had much time for anything else. I'm half way there now, but it's starting to get me down a bit. I don't feel like I have much of a life outside "cancer world" at the moment. Started taking the Tamoxifen on Saturday too, and have had a painful leg ever since. It's not as bad today but if it keeps hurting I'll be off back to my GP.

One week down, 2 to go...

Another mixed day today.Been for my 5th zapping session. Only 2 weeks more of groundhog day to go through. It's so bizarre doing the same journey at the same time every day. This week has flown though, it's been nice having some structure and routine in my day for a change.

Been to see my GP too. He's given me another 3 month sick note. Also got my first lot of Tamoxifen. More new side effects to get my head round. Great.

Sick notes and sheep

The day started off quite bad, woke up feeling a bit blue. Tried to get an appointment with my GP cos my sick note has run out and I need to see him about starting Tamoxifen. The surgery's computer is down today and the not so helpful receptionist was her usual non pleasant self. When I put the phone down I just burst into tears. Daft or what?

Spoke to a nicer receptionist a bit later. Computer was still down, so I decided to give it a miss and will try again tomorrow. It annoys me that you can only ring up for an appointment on the day you need to see the GP. I knew 3 months ago I'd need to go back for my sick note, so why I couldn't book an appointment then I just do not know.

Had my now daily 20+ mile trip up to the hospital then. Started to cheer up a bit on the way there when I saw all the sheep, cows and horses in the fields on the way. I got befriended by quite a bonkers old dear in the waiting room who went on and on about the patient transport service while I was waiting. Her appointment is the one after me so I guess I'll get the same conversation tomorrow. Bless her.

More hospitals coming right up!

Radiotherapy starts tomorrow. Feel a bit nervous about that now...

Blurgh.

I feel rotten today. My cold has really taken hold now, my nose looks like rudolph's and it's running like a tap, my head feels like it's about to explode, my throat hurts and I've got a really annoying cough. I slept in til 1:15 today, nearly passed out when I saw the time on the clock!

I guess this is nature's way of telling me to slow down cos I've really been busy this week.

Feeling hmmm....

Today I feel a bit hmmm, not sure really. Usual week after chemo stuff, not sure if I feel good or not. Half and half really.Cold has progressed into a very runny nose. I've used about 100 tissues already today. Every time I go from somewhere warm to somewhere cold or vice versa it's like GUSH.

I was knackered when I woke up this morning. Not surprisingly cos I really haven't stopped the last few days. I'd just got into the shower when ding dong, the postman was at the door. I think postie was a bit shocked when I appeared, half bald, half wet in my dressing gown at the door I'm past caring what people think these days.

I've then been up to the hospital to see the Onc. It was a different bloke today and I really liked him. He was really funny and made me laugh. He had a medical student in with him and I don't think she knew how to take us cos we were in stitches, talking about the perils of chemo brain etc. Other than the good laugh though, the appointment was a bit of a waste of time. He was just checking up on me now I've finished my chemo, and is writing to my GP to sort out my Tamoxifen (I thought they'd be doing that today, but they want it to be done by the GP for some reason).

Healthy Living Day

Phew. I'm shattered, but in a good way cos I've been on a Healthy Living Day today. It's been fab, I've had such a good time (although I wasn't so sure when the alarm went off at 7am this morning ).

I've had reflexology, reiki, indian head massage and colour analysis. Not too sure about the colour thing - I already knew I look shocking in yellow! But the rest was brilliant. I feel really pampered, I'm so chilled out, I have just driven round the Ring Road in really busy traffic and it was one of the nicest journeys I have ever had (I'm prone to a bit of hand waving normally - oops!).

I think the best part of it was I finally met some people near to me in age. Apart from online, I've never met anyone as young as me so it was really good to chat to people in exactly the same boat as me. One girl was only 30, and had a young baby. What a nightmare for her, but she was so upbeat it was infectious.

Back to reality tomorrow, cos I'm off to the hospital to get my first prescription for Tamoxifen. Just as my periods returned..typical!

But, apart from being full of cold I feel great today and am looking forward to a lovely long, relaxing sleep tonight.

Full of cold

I feel rotten. To "celebrate" the end of chemo I am full of cold. Typical eh? It started on Friday night, and I'm full of it now. Yuk. Oh, plus my periods decided to return today (the first one since September!) so I'm also suffering a bit with that as well.Oh, woe is me....

I'm supposed to be going to a Healthy Living Day tomorrow (ha ha - not a good advert me!!) so hope I feel better by then.

I've done it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that's it. Chemo is done. Thank f*** for that!

All 12 sessions of poison are now a part of my history. I can hardly believe it myself, and struggled getting to sleep last night cos I was almost giddy about it. Just to make it more memorable, the chemo suite was packed out today and I had a long wait before I got seen to. Perhaps they just didn’t want to see me go? It’s the longest I’ve been there for a while, almost felt like I should help them pack up for the weekend by the time we left. All the lovely nurses said goodbye, hugs all round. A bit sad in a way. It’s amazing how well you get to know people when you are visiting them every few weeks! One of them said she felt a bit ill today but decided to turn up for work cos she didn't want to miss my last visit, otherwise she might have phoned in sick.

My veins were a bit of a problem again today, I have another nice bruise forming. One of the nurses asked me if I would cultivate my veins again before I have to revisit them as part of the trial I’m taking part in! Hopefully a few months rest from needles will do the trick. Or maybe not…

So that’s it, the chemo chapter is over. Thankfully! Hopefully this will mean I will be able to start drinking again soon. It’s been a very dry 6 months and I almost fancy a glass of wine to celebrate. Shame I know it won’t agree with me, but I intend putting it to the test very soon.

The next 2 parts of my treatment start very soon. I now have an appointment this Wednesday to see the docs again to get my first load of Tamoxifen. More interesting side effects to look forward to then!

The burning/cooking (radiotherapy) starts a week on Monday (13th) so no post chemo rest for me! I’m keen to get on with it though cos this time in one month I will be done with all the aggressive part of my treatment. Yippee.

Last blood test

It's off to the hospital for my blood tests today. LAST blood tests. Now that feels good saying that.

I will be so happy in a few weeks time when I don't have to trek over to the hospital. Let's just say it's not the most pleasant journey there. It's very chaotic near the hospital, enough to raise your blood pressure and that's before you try and find a parking space! Thank goodness the rads will be at a different hospital, at least I get a change of scenery for a few weeks.

Fed up of waiting

I've had a funny couple of days recently. I guess it's down to the chemo again, but I've been feeling a bit fed up. One friend has just made me laugh though, I usually speak to her nearly every day but cos I've been a bit down and fed up I've not been in touch. I emailed her earlier and her reply was "blimey i woz beginnin to think u'd carked it!!!!". Nice to see my friends have the same sick sense of humour as me.

One of the things that has really been getting on my nerves this week is all the waiting I'm having to do. This is part of my current "waiting" list:

• Waiting for Jobcentre to sort out my claim for Incapacity benefit. I've filled in about 60 pages of claim forms in January, had 2 long phone calls with them and got an acknowledgement slip this morning telling me it was being "dealt with". Great.
• Waiting for the replacement memory to arrive for my (very slow) pc. I sent the faulty one back a week ago, and the new one hasn't turned up yet .
• Waiting for my hair to grow enough to go out uncovered.
• Waiting for this week to end so I can say chemo is over with...I could go on.... but I won't.

I'm one of those people who just sorts stuff out when they crop up, so am finding it really hard at the moment waiting and relying on other people. I want some control back in my life.Back on the hospital conveyer belt tomorrow for blood tests, then THE LAST CHEMO on Friday.