Penultimate chemo!

I'm back and have had my penultimate chemo. They asked me a few questions about how I was feeling, and suspect that I have/had/am fighting off some kind of infection. They didn't seem too concerned, so I'm not any more and the pain seems to be wearing off now. Funny that.

My veins will also be relieved next week when they won’t get attacked every couple of weeks or so. I think they will last another week, but not much longer. They couldn’t use the back of my hand this week (they tried - ouch!!), so have started on my wrist now. It’s a good job there weren’t any new patients in this week, cos I wasn’t a very good advert for having a cannula inserted. I didn’t scream or swear, but my face will have given it away that it wasn’t the most pleasant experience!!

Tonight I'm off out for meal with some friends. It's the first time we will have all been out for over a year, cos with one thing and another we haven't been very sociable. Not the best day for me to go out, but it's one friend's birthday and she has had a really tough year so I'll grin and bear it for her. Just hope the steroids keep me going!!

Chemo or not?

Chemo day today. I've just phoned the hospital and they asked me if I was feeling ok cos I have a raised white cell count. I said I felt ok, apart from this pain I've had for a few days. She asked me all about it but said I should still go in. I'm really worried now that I won't be able to have it today. Why did it have to start going wrong at this late stage?? Not happy...

Wind, blood and parking

I'm not sure if it is a wind problem now, cos it still hurts today. Not as bad as it was yesterday (I've not had the wheatbag out yet!) but still hurts. It's pants all this.

Just about to get ready to trek over to the hospital to have my blood sucked. My friend usually takes me, but she can't come today so I'm going on my own. I hope one of the free short stay spaces is available, cos I don't fancy paying £2 for my quick visit to the vampires. I once had to pay to park for my blood tests and I was there for a whole 7 minutes. Nice little earner for someone eh?

I'm not in the best of moods this week. I really am bored of all this malarky now and it's really getting on my nerves for some reason.

Feeling ropey

I feel quite ropey today. I woke up at 8:30am this morning in agony. Really sharp pains in my side, back and shoulder and I could hardly catch my breath. I thought for a while something was seriously wrong with me, and was quite worried. The pain has pretty much gone now, and I'm beginning to think it might just have been trapped wind! A few burps and a stint with the wheatbag seem to have done the trick.

It's back to the hospital tomorrow for my blood tests, then it's the penultimate dose of chemo on Friday. I can hardly dare to think that this time next week I will almost be there with the chemo. It's been a long 6 months, but in some ways I can't believe how quick it's gone.

Tired again

I'm really tired today. Loads of people I know have had/got the lurgy (cold/flu)recently and so far I've managed to get away without it. I ache all over today, and am not sure if it is the lurgy. Hope not, cos I'm due the first dose of my last cycle of chemo on Friday and I don't want any delays now.

Unusually, Captain Paranoia hasn't crept into my mind to try and convince me it's something sinister. I just feel like you do when you are coming down with something.

Questioning things.

My visitor has just gone. What a lovely lady she was too. I really feel for her, she had her mastectomy about 5 weeks ago and is feeling pressurised into having chemo. She has a family history of bc, and has been frightened by her sisters experiences with chemo. Her tumour was grade 3, no lymph involvement and they have recommended she has chemo. She says she doesn't know what to do. Like she said, she has spent her whole life "clean living". She didn't give into the pressures of drugs etc when she was at Uni, she eats healthily, does regular exercise etc so having her body pumped full of chemicals really goes against what she believes in.

She's done a lot of research into it, what drugs are used around the world etc so is very well informed about it all.She said she found chatting to me useful, but she still doesn't know what decision she will make. She's due to see the Onc again tomorrow to discuss it further. Fingers crossed she will make the right decision for her, whatever it may be.

The funny thing I've realised from talking to her is that I never even questioned having chemo. Trust me, I hardly ever took even a paracetamol before so having all these chemicals and drugs is very alien to me too. However, I never questioned why they recommended I had it. I just wanted to throw as much at my bc as possible. She said they told her it would increase her chances of not having a recurrence by 10%. She said she thought that was a low figure. I said I had to confess that even if they'd told me it would increase my chances by 1% I would still have gone for it.

Another thing I have realised is, I am very lucky to work for a sympathetic employer with a good sick pay policy. She doesn't get any sick pay.

I just hope I've helped her. She did say I had, even though she still hasn't been able to come to a decision.

Can I help??

I'm up before lunchtime again - wahoo!!

The lass who has recently been diagnosed has phoned me this morning. She sounds terrified, poor lass. She's coming round to have a chat with me this afternoon. I hope I can help her in some way, but I'm now feeling a bit nervous myself. I'm usually quite a confident person, but now I'm worrying that I might say the wrong thing to her and make matters worse. I'm sure my breast care nurse must think I'll be ok, or she wouldn't have suggested it but its quite a big thing isn't it? I'm guessing she also picked me cos I've tolerated chemo quite well. Plus I'm one of those people who tries to see a bright side in everything. Oh heck, I'm babbling now cos I'm nervous. I can only wonder how the other poor girl is feeling. It must have taken some guts for her to pick the phone up this morning.

Claiming benefit.

Funny day today. Had to wait in for the phone call from the Jobcentre people about my incapacity benefit. They said they'd call between 1 and 6, so I kept holding off on making my lunch cos I didn't want to be stuffing my face when they phoned. By 3pm I was nearly passing out, and as soon as I turned the grill on the phone rang! Ha ha, I should have tried that trick earlier! Was on the phone for 30 minutes (stomach rumbling!). They were very pleasant, but I did start to wonder why I'd spent so much time filling a form in last week when they went through it all again with me on the phone. Hey ho. It does seem strange claiming benefits, I've never had to do anything like this before...

No phone call from the lady who my breast care nurse phoned me about. I guess she doesn't want to talk to some stranger about it after all.

Busy morning!

I've had a busy morning so far. My breast care nurse phoned earlier, she has a new patient who is struggling to come to terms with the fact she has to have chemotherapy. My nurse thought it would be a good idea if she spoke to someone who is going through it, and thought of me. I'm quite touched that she thinks I can be a help. She's going to pass my phone number on, and I've said I'm happy to meet up with her. I just hope I can help. So many people have supported me over the last year, it will be nice to give something back.

I've also been on the phone to the JobCentre Plus about my claim for incapacity benefit. I spent hours filling in a claim form last week, and they sent me a letter today asking me to phone. It seems that people have so many problems filling in the forms that they like to go through it with you on the phone now. The lass I spoke to was really nice, we had a bit of a laugh when she had to ask me if I was in custody, or due in court soon. I wonder if it would help with my claim if I was??? Hmmm, what can I do.... Apparently, I will be having a telephone appointment with them again tomorrow afternoon to go through my claim. What a fun way to spend a Friday afternoon! I am becoming the queen of claim forms these days..

I'm awake!

I was awake at 10am today!! Now that is an achievement this week.

Some post came today. It was for my radiotherapy planning appointment. It's been rescheduled cos one of the doctors has left. Hope it wasn't something I said!! It's next Thursday at 9:40am. Must find some more alarm clocks....

Sleepy

I've been attacked by some mega sleeping syndrome the last couple of days. I think I might have overdone it at the weekend so have been catching up ever since (My steroids got me through and beyond the party!). I've only been up a few hours and I could go back to bed already.

I'm going to throw my coat on and have a wander up to the corner shop instead, just so I can get out of the house for a few minutes. I think a tacky magazine and some chocolate is in order (sorry dieters!).

Grumpy Zombie

I am like a zombie today. The steroids still kept me awake long into the morning. I think I finally went to sleep at about 4:30am. I'd still be in bed now but the phone rang an hour ago and woke me from my coma like state.

I'm supposed to be at a house warming party this afternoon. It starts in quarter of an hour but as I am still in my pjs. I think I will have to be fashionably late. I'm struggling to muster up the energy for it if I'm honest, but I've just taken the next lot of steroids so maybe I'll perk up soon. I hope I do, I will be seeing quite a few people I haven't seen for a while and I don't want to look like poorly cancer girl if I'm honest. It's easier if I look "well" and they don't have to do the sympathy routine. I'd rather just fade into the backgrond today and not have to bang on about it all day. Grumpy Jo seems to be coming out to play again. Uh oh...

Just think, this time next month my chemo will be over. Wahoo!!!

Chemo again

I'm blubbing at the mo. Chemo makes me a bit teary.

Chemo went ok, but I was there ages cos everything seemed to be going wrong and the staff were run off their feet. Luckily when they did get round to doing it, my veins were well behaved and they got in first time. Phew!

It's going to be a long night, I can't sleep cos of the steroids.

Here I go again...

Just phoned the hospital, my blood tests (had them done yesterday) are fine so it's off to the hospital I go again. I'm starting to panic about my veins a bit now...

Zzzzzzzz...

I am really tired today, but I've forced myself to get out of bed cos I'm sick of getting up at lunchtime these days.

Maybe I should explain...

Thought I should explain a bit about the type of chemo I'm having.

I'm on E/CMF. I've had 4 x Epirubicin and am now nearly there with the CMF (4 cycles, 2 infusions each cycle. 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off with a week off for Christmas!!).

I think I have been very lucky with the side affects. The Epi knocked me out for a few days each time. I used to spend a few days in my pj's feeling really crap on that. Also, my sense of taste and smell went loopy. I used to gag when I smelt anything made of rubber or plastic. Yuk. No actual sickness though - phew. Oh, it also put me off any red liquid. I can't drink cranberry, blackcurrant etc any more now. It's also put me off wine!!

The CMF is much easier for me. My taste buds are almost back to normal, I just have a much sweeter tooth than I ever had before. Smells aren't as bad on CMF either.

With both of them, the fatigue has been the worst thing for me. I find I can only do one thing each day and if I try to do any more I'm just knocked out the day after. This does my head in.

Oh, and the lack of concentration is annoying too. I've been reading the same book since April, not like me at all. But, apart from mouth ulcers, sore skin, blisters and a bit of cystitis I've got away quite lightly I think (touch wood!). The best thing is I'll be finished with it in a month. I think my last chemo is on 3rd Feb. Just rads and tamoxifen to go then....